I came home from fencing last night, opened my door, and had a brief sickening thought that I had left a light on. My parents raised me well; even though my electricity is covered in my condo fees, I'm still not one to waste power. But when I manhandled my fencing bag inside and glanced quickly at my light fixtures, I realised that I hadn't left one burning.

I now have a lamp post right outside my window. When it's dark and my blinds are open, which was the state of my place when I came home last night, it burns brightly enough that I could read by it. My first instinct was to be annoyed. Some warning might have been nice before they installed the thing. My second was to wonder if I would be able to sleep, as used as I am to relative darkness at night. Even the light coming in from the hallway under my front door, much removed from my bedroom, was startling the first several months. But this? My third was to wonder if this would make it easier or more difficult for people to see in to my apartment.

I slept well, but that might have been from exhaustion. What with the rain and the crazy Flames fans, driving home from fencing last night was a bit of an adventure for my already tired senses.

I have been recognised. This is a strange and slightly unpleasant experience for me. Yesterday at fencing, the girl at the equipment room told me that one of her friends recognised me from junior high. She told me his name, but I couldn't place him. I asked if she was sure that he was sure he knew me. "Oh yes," she said. "Vanessa. You went to Queen Elizabeth for junior high. I didn't have to look your name up on the fencing keys list before he knew it."

So, yes, apparently, he does recognise me from junior high. But despite writing down his name and taking a bitter-sweet journey through my yearbooks last night after I came home, I still don't recognise him, have no idea who he is, or have any inkling of how our paths might have crossed. He was a year below me, I really don't believe he caught the same bus as I did, he wasn't in band, nor did he appear to be on students' council.

What disturbs me most is that he told his friend that I was one of the "cool people," so far above him that he wouldn't even dare speak to me. I have never been one of the cool people. Never, in my entire life. This revelation is shocking.

I have hazy recollections of junior high. What did I do that would cause someone to get that kind of impression of me? More importantly, what was it that that impression remains to this day, that he remembers my first name after thirteen or fourteen years, when I couldn't pick him out of a lineup if he had a stamp on his forehead saying, "I went to Q.E.?" I have never considered myself memorable. Plain-featured, not terribly outspoken, introverted, unsociable until more recent history. I don't understand. I really don't.

I have been told that I can be intimidating. I thought it was a recent occurrence, but perhaps it is not. I wish I remembered more from back then. Maybe it would help me put this experience into perspective.

Oooooohhhhh... But it feels so gooooooood... I overdid it yesterday (boy, did I overdo it), but it feels strangely satisfying this morning.

I've been told in no uncertain terms that I need to stop living in everyone else's future, and start living in my own present. I believe I've discovered a surefire way of doing so. Nothing ties you to the present like sore and tired muscles.

That said, it's very hard to live in the present when there's three centimetres of snow on the ground, and it's the middle of May. I do love Calgary, but this is a little much.

I received mail yesterday. Northland Pontiac wants me to take my car in for service. What fun!

If anyone has any suggestions on how I can practice living in my own present, please feel free to try out this fun new comment feature Blogger has introduced.

I won't be home before quite late today, but I'm itching to check my mailbox. Why? Friday marked one week of being mailless. I tend not to count Thursdays, as that's junkmail day, and I can always anticipate something. But apart from that, I've spent a week trepidatiously inserting my key into the lock, only to be swallowed up by the vast emptiness inside my mailbox.

This is not a plea for lettermail. I know you have to send to receive, and I haven't had a lot of time to send lately, though it has been on my mind. But if flabbergasts me that I haven't even received a bill, or a Dear Occupant letter, or just something, for a week! But no. 'Tis not to be.

In preparing this entry, I've also randomly thought that I have spent a great deal of time maleless as well, so what's my problem with a week of maillessness? I love the English language...

I am going to the gym after work. Wish me luck.

I believe, with 95% certainty, that I have chipped a tooth. I am only 95% certain because the potential chip is on the far outside of a molar. How on earth I could get a chip there without knowing about it, I have no idea. But this development annoys me for several reasons:

This is the second out-of-nowhere tooth chip in less than twelve months. What's going on?

It's in such an awkward place that I can look forward to an even more painful jaw following repair, if the muscles on that side will loosen enough for me to get the procedure done.

My dental benefits don't start for another two months. And while the fiscally responsible part of me says that, with a little TLC, I can probably make it, there's another part that's steadily getting louder, saying, "GET IT FIXED NOW! JUST PAY!"

In other news, the Flames move on to the Western Conference Final, and the sky has a lovely palette of clouds this morning. The former makes me grin, and the latter makes me happy. I feel as if the universe is aligning again.

Red Deer Fencing Club End of Season Tournament - Saturday 1 May 2004 - Epee

I took the week off from fencing, but a series of emails between myself and Norman Wiebe ended up with Nathan, Andrew, and I going up to Red Deer Saturday morning for RDFC's end of season tourney and pizza party. As we had to be there for 0800, I got up at 0445. I can do it if I have enough motive, but boy was I tired by the end of the day! Anyhow, apparently many of their fencers were a little worried about "the competitive fencers from Calgary coming up to fence against those poor recreational fencers," but they needn't have worried. There were three pools of five mixed epee fencers a piece. I ended up in a pool with Shane Carritt and James Birchall, two of their coaches, plus two of their rec fencers. I won against the latter (5-3, 5-1), and lost to the coaches (5-4, 5-3), which gave me positive indicators for, I swear, the second time in my life. But the two losses put me in the middle of the tally. I won my first DE (can't remember the score), and then came up against Andrew for the second. Despite the fact that he hasn't fenced much this term, he's still faster than I am, and his instincts are better. I lost 15-11 (I believe). At the end of the day, I came out seventh of fifteen, Nathan placed fifth, and Andrew went on to win the gold!

Pizza and chatting with RDFC's fencers was very fun, and then the three of us went over to Norm's place for more talking. We didn't leave Red Deer before five. All in all, a very pleasant day of fencing!